January 2020: Grief, Memory, and Maternal Sacrifice in Dear Mama by Kinyanjui Kombani

Text Analysis: Dear Mama (Opening Letter)

Kinyanjui Kombani

1. Context and Form

This passage opens the autobiography in the form of a personal letter written twenty-two years after the mother’s death. The epistolary style (letter-writing) creates immediacy and intimacy. Although addressed to the mother, the letter also speaks to the reader, preparing us for a reflective life narrative shaped by loss, resilience, and purpose.

The date January 2020 grounds the text in the present, showing that grief is not confined to childhood—it matures with the person. 

Plot Explanation 

The text opens in January 2020, with the narrator, Kombani, writing a letter to his mother who died twenty-two years earlier. Although he is now an adult with children of his own, he admits that her death still affects him deeply. He feels anger, not because of anything she did, but because losing her left a lasting wound he has never fully healed.

He explains that his mother continues to influence his life. Whenever he faces challenges, he asks himself what she would have done. When he succeeds, he imagines her pride. This shows that, even in death, she remains a guiding presence in his decisions and sense of self.

The narrator then recalls the last day he saw his mother alive. He was a boarding school student, focused on eating chai and mandazi, while she looked at him “strangely.” At the time, he thought it was just one of her loving looks. Only later does he realise that she knew this would be their final meeting. This memory fills him with regret because he did not give her his full attention.

He knew his mother was unwell. Doctors had given a bleak prognosis, but he remained hopeful because she had survived illness before. He had grown up watching her take many medicines, so her sickness felt normal to him. However, he acknowledges that nothing truly prepares someone for the death of a mother, especially one who had such a positive influence on his life.

The narrator recalls their final meeting more closely. It was not an official visiting day, yet his mother insisted on seeing him. She managed to get permission for him to leave school with her. Lacking fare to return home to Njoro, he borrowed money from his Agriculture teacher, Mr Ikenye. Before they parted, she insisted on buying him tea, even though she did not buy any for herself—possibly because she could not afford it. This small act later becomes deeply meaningful to him.

He then expresses anger that his mother died just as he was preparing for his final secondary school examinations. He feels she should have lived long enough to see the results of her sacrifices. He imagines how she would have celebrated his success, especially when he later became the first person in the extended family to attend university. This imagined celebration highlights both his pride and his sense of loss.

The narrator reflects on ideas about death and the afterlife. He remembers studying Mine Boy in school, where it is suggested that the dead become stars watching over the living. He connects this idea to stories his own children have seen. Although he is unsure whether his mother truly watches over him, he often looks at the sky during difficult or joyful moments and speaks to her silently—asking for help or giving thanks.

Finally, the narrator questions whether people ever truly stop mourning. A friend suggests that writing letters to his mother might help him find closure. Although he is unsure about the idea of “closure,” he decides to try. He also realises that these letters might not only be for his mother, but for young readers who may find encouragement in his story. He ends the letter by affirming that her guidance still shapes his life and sense of purpose.

Simple Plot Flow 

1. Kombani writes a letter to his mother who died many years ago.

2. He admits he is still angry and grieving despite being an adult.

3. He remembers their last meeting at his boarding school.

4. He regrets not paying her enough attention that day.

5. He recalls her illness and death during his exam period.

6. He reflects on her sacrifices, especially for his education.

7. He wonders whether she watches over him after death.

8. He begins writing letters as a way of coping and honouring her life.

This passage mainly sets the story in motion. It explains why Kombani is writing, introduces the emotional conflict caused by his mother’s death, and shows how her life and sacrifices continue to shape his journey. It helps the reader clearly understand the foundation of the autobiography before the story moves forward.

Persona and Voice

The persona is an adult son, reflective, emotionally honest, and intellectually aware. His voice blends:

• Anger (“And it still makes me so angry.”)

• Tenderness and regret

• Gratitude and admiration

This emotional complexity makes the voice authentic and human. He does not idealise healing; instead, he admits that mourning can be lifelong.

Thematic Analysis 

a) Grief and Mourning as a Lifelong Process

The writer presents grief as persistent and unresolved, even after many years. From the opening lines, the reader understands that time has not erased the pain:

• “You died too soon. And it still makes me so angry.”

• “Yes, it is twenty-two years later… but to say I have recovered from your death would be a lie.”

These statements clearly show that adulthood, success, and parenthood have not ended his mourning. He continues to think about his mother weekly and consults her memory when making decisions:

• “When I face obstacles, I ask myself, ‘What would Mother have done?’”

Later, he directly questions whether mourning ever truly ends:

• “Do people stop mourning?”

This illustrates that grief is not something one simply “moves on” from; instead, it becomes part of life. The text therefore portrays mourning as enduring and meaningful, not a weakness.

b) Motherhood and Sacrifice

The mother is shown as deeply loving and self-sacrificing through small but powerful actions rather than direct praise.

One clear illustration is during their last meeting:

• “You insisted on buying me tea… You did not order anything for yourself; perhaps because you could not afford another cup.”

This moment shows her prioritising her son’s comfort over her own needs, even when she is unwell and financially constrained.

Her determination is also evident when she insists on seeing him despite it not being a visiting day:

• “The last time we met was not an official school visiting day, but you insisted on seeing me.”

The imagined celebration of his future success further highlights her pride and emotional investment in her children:

• “I often imagine you unleashing the ‘Ariririri’ ululation…”

Through these examples, the text portrays motherhood as selfless, determined, and quietly heroic.

c) Memory and Regret

Regret emerges strongly through the narrator’s reflection on ordinary moments he failed to value.

He remembers being distracted during their last meeting:

• “…as you looked at me strangely while I wolfed down chai and mandazi…”

Only later does he realise the importance of that moment:

• “If I had known it would be the last time I would see you, I would have paid closer attention to you than to the tea.”

This regret shows how memory sharpens loss. Ordinary actions—eating tea, sharing a look—gain emotional weight after death. The theme teaches that everyday moments matter, especially in relationships.

d) Education as Hope and Legacy

Education appears throughout the passage as both a struggle and a promise fulfilled.

The narrator was a boarding school student at the time:

• “…the boarding school teenager I was.”

Financial hardship is shown when he borrows bus fare from a teacher:

• “I borrowed some money from Mr Ikenye, our Agriculture teacher.”

His mother’s sacrifices are fully realised when he later becomes:

• “…the first person in the family — extended, not nuclear — to make it to university!”

This achievement is presented as her victory as much as his, reinforcing the idea that education was her dream and legacy. The theme highlights education as a path out of hardship and a source of dignity.

e) Spirituality and Belief in Life After Death

The narrator explores spiritual ideas cautiously, without certainty.

He refers to literature and film to express this belief:

• “In secondary school, we studied a book titled Mine Boy…”

• “My children have often watched the film The Princess and the Frog…”

Both references suggest the idea that the dead continue to watch over the living. However, he openly admits uncertainty:

• “I do not know if you are a free spirit above the earth, or a star…”

Despite this doubt, he behaves as if his mother can still hear him:

• “Amid triumphs, I have often whispered, ‘Thanks’ to you.”

This shows spirituality not as doctrine, but as comfort and emotional connection, rooted in hope rather than certainty.

f) Writing as Healing and Purpose

Finally, the act of writing itself becomes meaningful. A friend suggests writing for closure:

• “…perhaps writing to update you on what has been happening since you left would bring me some closure.”

Although the narrator questions the idea of closure, he decides to try. He also widens the purpose of the letters:

• “Maybe a young person somewhere will read them and get encouraged…”

This illustrates that personal pain can be transformed into guidance and inspiration for others.

Each theme in this passage is firmly rooted in the narrator’s lived experience. The writer does not tell us what to feel; instead, he shows grief, sacrifice, regret, hope, and resilience through concrete memories and reflections. This clarity makes the plot easy to follow and the emotional impact authentic.

Characterisation 

1. Characterisation of the Mother

The mother is not described directly; instead, her character is revealed through her actions, habits, and the narrator’s memories. This indirect characterisation makes her feel real and believable.

a) Loving and Caring

Her love for her son is evident even in small, ordinary moments.

• “…you looked at me strangely while I wolfed down chai and mandazi…”
  This “loving look” shows quiet affection and concern. She watches him closely, aware that this is their final meeting.

• “You insisted on buying me tea.”
  Even when she is unwell and financially strained, her instinct is to care for her son.

These actions illustrate a mother whose love is expressed through presence and sacrifice, not words.

b) Sacrificial and Selfless

The mother consistently puts her son’s needs before her own.

• “You did not order anything for yourself; perhaps because you could not afford another cup.”
  This clearly shows self-denial. She chooses her son’s comfort over her own, highlighting her selflessness.

• Her long-term sacrifice is implied when the narrator says:
  “After enduring so much as you sought decent education for us…”
  This shows that her life involved struggle and endurance for the sake of her children’s education.

c) Determined and Strong-Willed

She is portrayed as a woman who does not give up easily.

• “The last time we met was not an official school visiting day, but you insisted on seeing me.”
  Despite rules and her poor health, she finds a way to see her son.

• “You always had a way.”
  This brief statement summarises her resourcefulness and determination.

Her strength is also seen in how she survived illness for many years:

• “You always made it through other prophecies of doom.”

d) Proud and Supportive

The mother deeply values her son’s achievements, especially in education.

• The narrator imagines her celebrating his success:
  “I often imagine you unleashing the ‘Ariririri’ ululation…”

• He believes she would have proudly celebrated his university admission:
  “…your own win, that of your son being the first person in the family… to make it to university!”

These illustrations show her as a parent whose joy is rooted in her children’s progress.

e) Moral and Emotional Anchor

Even after death, the mother continues to guide the narrator’s life.

• “When I face obstacles, I ask myself, ‘What would Mother have done?’”

• “When I do well, I say to myself, ‘Mother would have been so proud of me!’”

This shows that her values continue to shape his decisions, making her a moral compass even in absence.

2. Characterisation of the Narrator (Kombani)

The narrator’s character is revealed through his reflections, emotions, and maturity.

a) Emotionally Reflective and Honest

From the opening, he openly expresses his emotions without pretending to be healed.

• “You died too soon. And it still makes me so angry.”

• “To say I have recovered from your death would be a lie.”

This honesty shows emotional depth and self-awareness.

b) Loving and Grateful Son

His gratitude toward his mother is evident throughout the letter.

• “When I do well, I say to myself, ‘Mother would have been so proud of me!’”

• “Amid triumphs, I have often whispered, ‘Thanks’ to you.”

These statements show enduring love and appreciation.

c) Regretful and Self-Critical

He is capable of looking back critically at his younger self.

• “If I had known it would be the last time I would see you, I would have paid closer attention to you than to the tea.”

This regret shows maturity and emotional growth.

d) Resilient and Purpose-Driven

Despite loss and hardship, he progresses in life.

• He grows from “the boarding school teenager I was” to an adult with “grown children.”

• He becomes “the first person in the family… to make it to university.”

This shows resilience and commitment to self-improvement.

e) Reflective Thinker and Mentor

He questions life, death, and meaning thoughtfully.

• “Do people stop mourning?”

• “Maybe a young person somewhere will read them and get encouraged…”

This illustrates a man who wants his experiences to guide and inspire others, not just himself.

Link to the Plot

Through these two characters:

• The mother represents sacrifice, strength, and guidance.

• The narrator represents growth shaped by loss, memory, and gratitude.

Their relationship forms the emotional core of the autobiography and helps the reader clearly understand why the story is being told.

The characterisation in this passage is realistic and grounded in everyday actions. By using memory and reflection instead of direct description, the writer allows readers to clearly understand both characters and follow the emotional foundation of the story.

Literary Devices 

1. Direct Address (Apostrophe)

The entire passage is written as a letter addressed directly to the mother, even though she is dead. This device is called apostrophe. It creates intimacy and emotional closeness.

Illustrations from the text:

• “Dear Mama,”

• “You died too soon.”

• “I hope you hear it, otherwise, I look like a fool for nothing.”

By speaking directly to her, the writer shows that death has not broken their bond. The reader feels as though they are listening to a private conversation, which deepens the emotional impact of the text.

2. Rhetorical Questions

Rhetorical questions are used to express inner conflict and reflection rather than to seek answers.

Illustrations from the text:

• “Do people stop mourning?”

• “Why should I seek closure, when you are the one person who brings meaning and sanity to my life?”

• “I do not know if you are a free spirit above the earth, or a star, watching over us…”

These questions show the narrator’s confusion, pain, and uncertainty. They invite the reader to think deeply about grief, healing, and the relationship between the living and the dead.

3. Imagery

Imagery appeals to the senses and helps the reader see and feel the experiences being described. The writer uses familiar, everyday images.

Illustrations from the text:

• “chai and mandazi” — visual and taste imagery that creates a homely, ordinary scene.

• “you looked at me strangely while I wolfed down chai and mandazi” — shows the contrast between the mother’s silent awareness and the son’s distraction.

• “I look up at the sky and wonder if you are there.” — visual imagery that expresses longing and hope.

• “unleashing the ‘Ariririri’ ululation” — sound imagery that brings African celebration vividly to life.

These images make the memories realistic and emotionally relatable to the reader.

4. Allusion

An allusion is an indirect reference to another text, film, or idea that adds depth to meaning.

Illustrations from the text:

• “In secondary school, we studied a book titled Mine Boy.”

• “My children have often watched the film The Princess and the Frog.”

Both references share the idea that the dead continue to watch over the living. By alluding to literature and film, the writer connects personal grief to shared cultural and artistic beliefs, making the idea more universal.

5. Irony

Irony occurs when there is a contrast between what is expected and what actually happens.

Illustration from the text:

• “You did not tell me that I would never see you alive again on that day…”

• “If I had known it would be the last time I would see you, I would have paid closer attention to you than to the tea.”

The meeting felt ordinary at the time, but it turned out to be the final farewell. This situational irony deepens the narrator’s regret and sadness.

6. Symbolism

The writer uses ordinary objects and ideas to represent deeper meanings.

a) Tea (chai)

Illustration:

• “while I wolfed down chai and mandazi”

• “you insisted on buying me tea”

Meaning:
Tea symbolises ordinary moments of life that are often taken for granted but later become emotionally significant.

b) Sky and Stars

Illustration:

• “Sometimes, like Xuma, I look up at the sky and wonder if you are there.”

Meaning:
The sky and stars symbolise hope, guidance, and the continued presence of the dead in the lives of the living.

c) Letters

Illustration:

• “perhaps writing to update you on what has been happening since you left would bring me some closure.”

• “Maybe these are not just letters to you.”

Meaning:
The letters symbolise healing, memory, and legacy. They become a way of coping with grief and passing lessons to future generations.

7. Tone

The tone of the passage is reflective, emotional, and sincere.

Illustrations from the text:

• “And it still makes me so angry.” — shows pain and frustration.

• “It makes me teary.” — shows vulnerability.

• “Your loving son,” — shows affection and acceptance.

The tone helps the reader understand that the autobiography is not just about events, but about emotional truth.

All the literary devices in this passage are simple, familiar, and realistic. They are drawn directly from everyday life, which makes the story easy to understand while still emotionally powerful. Through these devices, the writer helps the reader clearly grasp the plot, the emotions, and the purpose of Dear Mama.

Values and Competencies from the Text

1. Emotional Intelligence (Self-awareness, Empathy, Emotional Regulation)

The narrator demonstrates deep emotional awareness. He recognises, names, and reflects on his emotions honestly, without pretending to be healed.

Illustrations from the text:

• “You died too soon. And it still makes me so angry.”
  → He openly acknowledges anger, a natural but often hidden emotion associated with grief.

• “To say I have recovered from your death would be a lie.”
  → This shows self-awareness and emotional honesty.

• “It makes me teary.”
  → He admits vulnerability instead of suppressing emotion.

He also shows empathy, understanding how loss affects human beings generally:

• “Nothing prepares anyone for the death of their mother.”

CBE link:
Learners are encouraged to understand their own emotions and respect the emotions of others. This passage models healthy emotional expression rather than denial.

2. Resilience (Coping with Loss and Adversity)

Despite losing his mother at a critical stage in his education, the narrator continues with life and achieves success.

Illustrations from the text:

• “I am an adult now, I have grown children.”
  → Life continues despite loss.

• “Amid difficulties, I look up at the sky…”
  → He seeks strength during hard times.

• “The first person in the family — extended, not nuclear — to make it to university!”
  → He overcomes hardship and fulfils the dream his mother worked for.

Even though grief remains, it does not paralyse him. Instead, it becomes part of his strength.

CBE link:
Resilience is about enduring challenges without giving up. The narrator’s journey models perseverance for learners facing personal or academic difficulties.

3. Responsibility and Gratitude

The narrator recognises his mother’s sacrifices and feels a strong sense of responsibility to honour them.

Illustrations from the text:

• “After enduring so much as you sought decent education for us…”
  → He acknowledges her struggle and sacrifice.

• “Mother would have been so proud of me!”
  → He measures his actions against her expectations.

• “Amid triumphs, I have often whispered, ‘Thanks’ to you.”
  → This expresses lasting gratitude.

He does not take his achievements for granted; he connects them directly to his mother’s efforts.

CBE link:
Learners are encouraged to appreciate parents, guardians, and society, and to act responsibly in response to sacrifices made for them.

4. Communication (Writing as Expression, Healing, and Connection)

The act of writing letters is itself a key competency.

Illustrations from the text:

• “Perhaps writing to update you on what has been happening since you left would bring me some closure.”

• “Maybe these are not just letters to you.”

Writing becomes:

• a way to process grief,

• a way to maintain connection,

• a way to communicate life lessons.

The narrator uses language thoughtfully to express complex emotions and ideas.

CBE link:
Effective communication—written and emotional—is a core competency. The text shows how writing can be used constructively, not just academically.

5. Citizenship and Social Responsibility (Education, Perseverance, Inspiration)

The narrator connects his personal story to the wider community and future generations.

Illustrations from the text:

• “Being the first person in the family… to make it to university!”
  → Education is presented as a means of uplifting families and communities.

• “Maybe a young person somewhere will read them and get encouraged…”
  → He wants his story to inspire others.

He understands that personal success carries a social responsibility—to motivate and guide others.

CBE link:
Good citizenship involves using one’s experiences and achievements to positively influence society. The narrator models this by turning personal pain into shared encouragement.

Overall CBE Significance

Through grief, memory, and reflection, the passage promotes:

• emotional maturity,

• perseverance,

• gratitude,

• effective communication,

• and responsible citizenship.

These values are not taught directly, but shown through lived experience, making the text suitable and meaningful for Grade 10 learners under the CBE curriculum.

This passage aligns naturally with CBC/CBE goals because it mirrors real life. Learners see that values are not abstract ideas—they grow out of relationships, struggle, and reflection. That realism makes Dear Mama both educational and deeply human.

These closed discussion questions guide learners to specific answers, with prompts that cue key ideas from the text.

DiscussionQuestions with Guided Prompts (Text-Based)

Plot and Understanding

1. Why does the narrator say he is still angry twenty-two years after his mother’s death?
   Prompt: Think about his emotions, healing, and whether time has reduced his pain.

2. Where was the narrator when he last saw his mother alive?
   Prompt: Recall his school status and the setting of their meeting.

3. What was the narrator doing while his mother looked at him “strangely”?
   Prompt: Focus on food and his lack of attention.

4. Why does the narrator regret that final meeting with his mother?
   Prompt: Consider what he did not realise at the time.

Character and Relationship

5. How does the mother show love for her son during their last meeting?
   Prompt: Look at what she buys and what she denies herself.

6. What evidence shows that the mother was determined to see her son?
   Prompt: Think about visiting rules and her insistence.

7. How does the narrator show respect and gratitude towards his mother?
   Prompt: Look at how he speaks to her and remembers her sacrifices.

Themes

8. Does the passage suggest that grief ends with time?
   Prompt: Consider the narrator’s age and emotional state.

9. How is sacrifice presented through the mother’s actions?
   Prompt: Focus on money, health, and education.

10. How is education shown to be important in the narrator’s life?
    Prompt: Think about school, exams, and university.

Language and Style

11. Why does the writer choose to write in the form of a letter?
    Prompt: Consider intimacy, emotion, and direct address.

12. What idea is suggested by the reference to Mine Boy?
    Prompt: Think about the dead and the living.

Values and Reflection

13. What value does the narrator learn from his mother’s life?
    Prompt: Think about perseverance, sacrifice, or love.

14. Why does the narrator believe his letters might help young people?
    Prompt: Consider encouragement, preparation, and opportunity.

These closed questions keep learners focused on specific textual details, while the prompts guide them toward clear, supported answers—ideal for structured classroom discussion and CBE assessment.

In the next chapter, titled 8 February 2020, the story moves beyond memory into the present. Kombani steps into a new country and a new role, and the distance between where he began and where he stands becomes impossible to ignore.